Rantings

Wow, I really must try to keep up with my journal. This just isn't good enough! I just get swept up in stuff and before I know it weeks have passed!

Well, so far as the sushi goes, Ian ate it, and he didn't complain, but I know he didn't like it! His face lit up when I grilled the remaining tiger prawns with some bacon and served it up with some tomato and garlic mayonnaise!

Beamish Museum phoned me up on Monday with an order. I have plenty of soap made, but not wrapped, and now I've gone and sprained my thumb and I'm having difficulty wrapping the damn things! Argh! I wanted this whole thing to start off without a hitch, but why is it that that's never the case?! I have 144 bars to wrap, too! Oh well, I just have to wrap in small batches, have a rest, and wrap a few more. They'll get them, just not this week.

I made chilli for dinner last night. It was yummy. We had it with basmati rice (because it's my favourite and doesn't take long to cook!) and grated mature cheddar (I didn't have any Monteray Jack). It was yummy. We were really naughty and didn't have salad or anything with it! LOL Still, we have been having fruit after our meals, so we're not completely unhealthy.

Poor Ian has been really poorly since last Friday. I think yesterday was his first ok-ish day. We both got some virus that made us really tired and achey and shivery, and I got over it quite quickly, but he has had it longer than me, and even though he's been going to work, he's been coming home early, taking paracetamol and curling up on the settee with a blanket over him. Aww, bless him. It's not like him to be ill, and when he is, he really is. Unlike me. I seem to get every little sniffle or cough or tummy bug going, and constantly feel like crap, but it doesn't last long.

Well, I've just been to the post office to drop off a bundle of parcels and now I'm going to make a cup of coffee and then start wrapping soaps!!

I'm really looking forward to tonight. A few days ago I order a sushi kit from the Japanese Kitchen and it arrived yesterday. So, this evening I'm going to try my hand at making sushi. Thing is, I'm only familiar with nori sushi, the little rice rolls wrapped up in seaweed, but in the kit I also got a packet of O-Inari san, beancurd packets, for making inari sushi. I've never had it before, and I'm a bit undecided as to whether I should have a go at making that, too. Has anyone had it and can tell what it's like? Decisions, decisions.

It'll be the first time my hubby has had sushi (he, like many others, has been under the misconception for years that sushi = raw fish) so I'm a little worried that he won't like it. He said he's going to phone the kebab shop and make sure they're on standby! Cheeky git!

Anyway, the real reason I'm writing about it is because I'm in desperate need of ideas for filling! I've already been out and bought some tiger prawns, shiitake mushrooms and an avocado, and I have cucumber and suchlike already in. Any other ideas? I do so want this to be a special dinner for my man!

"Hmmm ... where do I start? I guess the thing which is at the forefront of my mind is my wellbeing, or lack of, at the moment. I've been taking antidepressants for several years, but for the past few months I have been trying to wean myself off them in preparation for hubby and I undergoing fertility treatment. This is the third drug I've tried, and while it has proved the most effective in controlling my anxiety/depression, it has also proved to be the most difficult to stop taking. I have tried to explain to my GP, but I may as well be talking to a brick wall. In fact, I saw a different GP once, and she more or less told me it was all in my head! How the f**k would they know unless they try taking it themselves and then see what's in their head or not?! I'll try to explain.

I'm not dependant on ADs, not at all. They have helped, and proved useful. Unfortunately, I was not warned about symptoms of withdrawal if I was to stop taking them. Over the past few months, I have gradually gone from the equivalent of 4 tablets a day down to a quarter tablet every other day. I was actually told by my GP that once I was down to one a day I was to reduce the dose to one every other day, then after a month reduce it to one every third day, etc. I tried one every other day and felt so ill on the days I wasn't taking them that I took it upon myself to start cutting the tablets in half and taking a half daily. They are tiny anyway, so I had to use nail scissors! Before I started doing that it was a relief to take my tablet after the day off, just so that I could feel normal for a day! Anyway, on the days I wasn't taking them, I would feel lightheaded, I'd get that awful restless leg syndrome, I'd feel like there were ants crawling all over me, I'd feel nauseous, and at night I'd get involuntary twitching in my legs. Does that sound like it's all in my head to you?! Eventually, I cut the tablets down to a quarter every other day, and I managed to stay on that dose until my tablets ran out. I've now been off them for 4 days, and I feel weird. Nowhere near as bad as before as I guess I've got my body used to a reduced dose before stopping entirely, but I don't feel safe to drive, and I'm having difficulty sleeping at night. My whole body aches with fatigue, yet my mind is wide awake and active, and it's so frustrating! I can hardly do a thing without collapsing in a chair with exhaustion afterwards, but I know that this will pass.

The trouble is, my hubby is having a hard time understanding. The night before last he did a huge pile of ironing as I hadn't been able to, but he huffed and grumbled and slammed his way through it as if to make a statement that I should have done it before now. I said nothing, went to bed and left him to it, but the next morning, he was awful. He lost his temper with me and basically told me to stop being so lazy (in a roundabout way), then stormed off to work. I was so upset and honestly felt that if he wasn't going to give me the support I needed to get through this I would have no option but to leave home until I was well. We've been together 15 years and the thought of leaving him, even for a short while, was heartbreaking, but I just didn't feel I had any choice!

Well, to cut a long story short, I telephoned him after I'd had a cry and calmed down a bit, and explained my thoughts and how much he upset me, and he was great. At times he's a totall git, but then I consider how lucky I am to have someone like him. He's loving, caring and hardworking, and I love him to bits. He's completely clueless at times, but I just put that down to the fact he's a bloke, and we women should make allowances for their shortcomings!

I wanted to say so much more in this entry, but unfortunately it's turned into selfish rant, and I'm afraid I've bored you enough. Besides, I can't even remember what else it was I wanted to say now. So I'll leave it there, and if I haven't scared you off I'll post more as and when it comes to me. If nothing else, it has proved useful in that I have written down the effects of not taking the drugs and can feel a bit more 'solid' about it when I next go to see the doctor. If I can help it, I will not be taking them again!!

Take care, folks, and have a good weekend!

Well, I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year. Mine was so hectic I didn't have much of a chance to post to my journal because I seem to have every day booked up with something or other ... which is surprising as my parents are in Australia, and I thought it would have been nice and peaceful without them expecting me at their house every other day!!! LOL
Anyway, my main Christmas pressie was a rather nice Hitachi DVD-RAM camcorder, so needless to say, I've burned 3 DVDs already!! Well, 2 of them were of the New Years celebrations, one for me and one for Ian's friend, Geoff, who was with us at the time. I bought Ian an HP iPAQ 1710 PDA, which he is rather pleased with. I was worried because I didn't know if he would appreciate it, but he's really pleased with it!
On 2nd Jan my first soap orders of the year started rolling in!! There is a pile of about 9 parcels waiting to be posted in the morning! Let's hope that this is an indication of what is to come for the rest of the year!
I'd better go now. I've had a few wee drinkies and I'm sort of waffling about nothing interesting. I'll try to post again tomorrow and say something coherent when I do. ;-)
Buy, folks.

OMG! I can't believe it! I am floating right now! Let me explain ...

Last week I had a meeting with a guy from Beamish Open Air Museum with a view to selling my soaps in the gift shop. I showed him my full range of products, along with wholesale prices, turnover times, production levels, etc, and he said he'd get back to me in a couple of days as he had other soapers to see.

Well, a week passed, plus another couple of days, followed by a phone call to the museum with a message for him to ring me when he returns to the office ...

... well, I reckon you've guessed the rest. He has just been on the phone and we've closed the deal. I am now official handmade soap supplier to Beamish Open Air Museum! Wahoooo!
I'd better get soaping when I've scraped myself off the ceiling!

Well, I'm feeling better now. I can't believe it's taken me this long to start to feel ok. I was so devastated over Biff, my whole world fell apart.
Anyway, I thought it was about time I started writing in my journal again, so here I am. I have just been over to my cousin's house to a) sell her some soap she wants to give to her bairn's teachers, and b) to fix her computer! Well worth the visit ... I got £26 of sales, lunch and a free bottle of wine thrown in! LOL
However, on my way home I was frightened by some bloke who was tailgating me all the way home, then when I indicated and slowed down to turn into my street he started tooting on his horn and gesticulating and swearing at me (I could see him through my rear view mirror ... I could even lipread what he was saying to me and it's not something to repeat). There was quite a bit of traffic coming from the other direction, so I had to wait a few seconds before I could begin to turn, and he tooted and swore and made filthy gestures at me the whole time. It was quite scary and I feel rather rattled and upset about the whole thing. Luckily he didn't follow me home.
Why are some people such dickheads?!

On Monday 29th November Biff took a turn for the worse. I made the decision then and there that enough was enough and it was time to end her pain. My husband and I took her to the vet that afternoon, and she died quietly in my arms at 2:45 pm.

This past week I have been unable to tell you about it, both of us have just spent the time grieving, indeed, typing this now has got me in tears.

Thank you everyone for all your kind thoughts. These pages have been up for a few years ... I think I'm going to leave them up now:

Biff's Pages

Biff, my dog, is very ill now. Those of you who've read past posts will know that she was diagnosed with lymphosarcoma a few months ago. So far she's coped very well with it ... that is until a few days ago. The cancer has spread. On top of that she has an ulcerated gut and is in pain and off her food.
I've just got back from the vets. She's is starting on ulcer treatment today, but we both know that this is the beginning of the end. If I can't make her a bit more comfortable with this lot of treatment, we are going to have to make the hard decision to have her put to sleep. I reckon she has between a few days and a few weeks left.
Needless to say, I don't feel much like posting which is why I've been quiet. I'm going to go and give her a cuddle and have a cry now.

Olivia in another of her fantastic creations!

Well, I took loads of pictures, so I thought I'd better just condense them down in the hope of giving you a flavour of what the whole thing was like.

I'm exhausted. Utterly, utterly exausted. I probably shouldn't have gone what with this virus (the doctor said that's what it was but recommends I have a blood test), and even a healthy person would be tired after such an event. However, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and will be going again in April.

The only photos I was disappointed with were the ones of Alien Sex Fiend ... I just couldn't get close enough to the stage, so I haven't included any of those. Not that it matters, I don't like them anyway, but Zodiac Mindwarp were amazing!

Anyway, enjoy. Hope you don't get too scared by what you see, and if you want to know any more about the famous Whitby Gothic Weekends, have a lookie here (although it is a bit out of date!).

Night night, y'all!


The lovely Olivia


Paul and Olivia doing the Monster Mash


The lovely Olivia. You can probably just make out some bat wings behind her. They were part of her costume and they opened!


Zodiac Mindwarp


Eeeeeeeeek! Actually, that's me. I ended up wearing bloodshot lenses instead of brown ones! And, yes, that IS a wig!


Some fat witchy lass. Oh, it's me again!


Geoff, Graeme, Graham, Glenda, me and Ian (my hubby) wearing his lovely jubbly coat that me and my lovely mam made him.


Just look at that wig! It has a boat in it! The whole thing had a boat theme.

I'm beginning to get pretty excited now. Ian's coat is finished, and looks pretty fabby, too! I have all my stuff sorted, I think. Today is going to be spent cleaning the house and getting clothes ready for the weekend. Tomorrow I'll be packing, then we leave tomorrow afternoon after 4pm, so there won't be any more entries until after the weekend. However, I have extra batteries on charging as I type this, specially for my camera, so you can expect lots of photos of the event posted here when I get back!
Watch this space! Should be interesting!

Ok, I'm going to keep this short because I had a big long entry typed out and lost it all when AOL crashed on me ... so ...
... the main gist of it all is that I'm almost ready for next weekend. Some of Ian's coat is done, and when it is I'll post photos of his outfit, but for now, here is mine. Please bear in mind that I'm really blonde with blue eyes! LOL Yes, my brown lenses came today! The headpiece my sister bought for me. All that's missing I think is the typical Gothic makeup and the black fingernails! I even managed to get some comfortable boots today! Yay!
Ok, here they are.

My cloak is finished! Yee haa! Got it finished last night, and got Ian's coat cut out ... 44 pieces! Aaaargh! I'm going to spend most of Monday on it, then Tuesday and Thursday nights, so hopefully we'll get it done. My poor mam, she's helped me so much on these outfits. I really hope we get the coat finished as we go to Whitby next Friday! Aaargh! Still need to find boots, too.
Ok, got to go. I've got wages to work out for Ian's staff, it's payday for them today.

I've had an awful time sleeping the last couple of nights. This is not like me at all, I usually nod off in no time once my head hits the pillow, but the past few nights I've had an awful time because my legs won't keep still! Have you ever tried to sleep but you have an uncomfortable feeling in your legs like you need to stretch and move them all the time? It's really quite unpleasant. I have had it before a couple of times, but it usually goes away in a few days. Also, my mam suffers from it. So ... I decided to do a little research. If anyone else has this condition, have a look at this website:

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/health_and_medical/pubs/restless_legs.htm

A very interesting read, and 100% of the symptoms fit me exactly. I know I don't eat properly because my stomach is so dodgy, but I'm going to make an effort to eat better, take iron supplements and be more active.
So I'm off out now to take Biff for a walk!

I started to clear out the garage yesterday, and guess what I found? 12.5kg of coconut oil! Doh! And here's me panicking because I didn't have any left and worrying that I wouldn't be able to keep up with demand. The difficult thing about soapmaking is that you have to think ahead. Each batch of soap has to be cured for at least 4 weeks before it can be wrapped, labelled and sold, and so I have to have quite a large amount of stock on hand at all times. Oh, well, it's going to be a soapy day today. I'd better get the kitchen cleared out and disinfected ready.
My cape/cloak is almost finished! Yay! I won't be able to go and do some more sewing until Thursday now, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Ian's coat will be finished in time for next weekend. Eeeee, I can hardly believe it's so close! Wow! I need to decide what I'm wearing on my feet, though. I have plantar fasciitis in my left foot, and I sprained my right ankle weeks ago and it's still not right, so it's going to have to be something flat and comfortable, as I'll probably be spending quite a lot of time standing. I wonder if I can get some flat comfortable boots from somewhere. Ideas anybody? They must be size 2 because I'm only weeny!

I felt a bit better this morning. Haven't taken any Gaviscon at all today! Yay! Posted another 3 parcels this morning, and went to my friend Hazel's house this afternoon for coffee. I had a lovely afternoon, but started feeling a bit dizzy and lightheaded again by about 3 pm. I left shortly after 4, and went shopping for some onions and peppers and salad for dinner. I'm making chicken jambalaya, one of our faves! MmmMMmm.
So, I'm feeling a bit crap right now, but I cheered up no end when I checked my email and found I had an enquiry for postage costs from a potential customer in the USA! Cor! I've posted to all over the UK, but never overseas so far!
Anyway, I'd better get cracking. I have loads to do including cook, and I'm hoping to get over to my mam's later to do some sewing. The Whitby Gothic Weekend is next week, so I don't have that much time to get everything finished! Ooh, one other thing ... I wanted to get some black contact lenses to finished the demonic look (let's face it Whitby=Dracula doesn't it?!), because I have blue/grey eyes and it looks a little odd with the dark makeup and black wig. I looked on Ebay and they were £25, so I ended up getting some dark brown ones for £8!! I think they'll be just as good. The only problem is they aren't prescription lenses, which means I'll have to wear my glasses, which I didn't really want to do. Pity you can't wear 2 pairs of contacts at once! LOL Actually, I think I'll carry my specs with me and only put them on when I really have to ... the rest of the time I'll hang on to Ian and let him lead me around! Ha ha!

I'm still feeling bad, but I have an upset tum now. :-( The past 2 nights I have hardly slept because of the pain in my stomach which is worse when I lie down. And I just cannot sleep sitting up, unlike some folks I know who can fall asleep in an armchair at the drop of a hat! I'm supposed to be going to see my therapist today, too, but I don't know if I'll make it. For a start, I'm too dizzy to drive, still. I think it's more important I get myself to the doctor, actually. It's just annoying that I have to miss my therapist appointment as I still have to pay for the session even if I don't attend! Ah, well ... I signed the contract ...
On a brighter note, I have five parcels to send out this morning! Woo hoo! And I have a separate order for a friend totalling £24. It started off slow, but now it's beginning to snowball! I just hope I'll be able to keep up with demand! LOL Plus, I must keep records of how much I'm making, as I may have to sign off Incapacity Benefit soon! LOL
I haven't forgotten about the gown picture, either! Soon. Soon.
Oh well, I've almost finished my cup of mint tea, so I'll sign off for now. Bye, peeps!

I've felt a bit odd yesterday and today, and I have absolutely no idea why.
Yesterday I started feeling a bit light-headed and dizzy, you know, woozy, kind of. I felt pretty tired all the time, too.
Today, I feel twice as bad. Really light-headed and dreamy and I've been back to bed and slept twice today. Just got up about an hour ago. I need to think about dinner, too, but I've been feeling sickly and off me bait for a good few days. Still, I shall make an effort.
I was supposed to go to my Mam's last night to do some more sewing, but I couldn't drive as I was so dizzy. I wonder what it could be?
Anyway, I just had a look on Ebay and I've sold another lot of soaps and bath fizzies and soap favours! I'm starting to get a bit worried as I'm just about out of Coconut Oil and my supplier isn't expecting any more in until next week, and legally I shouldn't buy from anyone else unless it's the same brand of oil. Sheesh, I hope they send it pronto as soon as it's in. I told them I was worryingly low on supplies, so I'll keep my fingers crossed. I have plenty of everything else (except Castor Oil, which I forgot to buy, but as I only add 60g per batch, what I have left should last a while).
Oh well, I'd like to write more, but looking at the screen makes my head swim.
Bye, folks!

Woo hoo! My gown is finished! It only took 3 night's of sewing! I'm starting the cloak tonight, then Ian's coat! I'll probably get Ian to take a picture of the frock (with me in it!) tonight so you can see it. :-) I got the patterns from a lady on Ebay (in the US) and they're really good adult costume patterns I haven't seen anywhere over here.
Anyway, I have to go ... I have about £25 worth of soap orders to fulfill.
Ta ta!

I went to my mam's last night so try to get a decent amount of sewing done on these goth outfits we're making for the Whitby Gothic Weekend at the end of the month. It's so exciting! My frock is really taking shape, and the cloak won't take long to put together, I reckon. It would be nice to think I can get Ian's coat done, too, but ...
Anyway, as soon as the gown is finished I'll post a quick photo. Eeeeeee ... I'm looking forward to it. Pity The Damned aren't on again at Whitby this time.
By the way, I'm not a Goth, I just want to dress up and parade around the streets. Somewhere inside me there must be an exhibitionist trying to get out!

Yep, folks still want to buy my soaps! Wahoo! Send out 4 parcels today. Thanks, Amy, for making a purchase. One of my very personal favourite soaps is on it's way to you now. :-)