Sunday, April 26, 2009

Right, I'm off to Whitby to catch the tail end of the gothic weekend, ie Sexy Sunday.  The organiser has planned a tribute for Ian, so of course, I have to be there.

Wish me luck that I manage to maintain a bit of dignity and don't break down in front of everyone.

Because, you know, panda eyes and mutton chops that come from combining tears with goth makeup is not a cool look.  At all.

I'll be back in the wee hours.

Posted via email from MrsFirestarter's posterous

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

It’s a week today since Ian’s funeral, and life is very slowly beginning to take form and shape.  Nights are hard.  Lying alone, trying to sleep, my mind begins to wander and I end up crying myself to sleep. Every night. And every morning the first thing I think about is Ian lying there in hospital suffering in silence, and I cry again.

But, life has to carry on, and each morning I get up at 7am and go to work, and do my best to carry on what he had built for me.

I miss him so much. I feel like a big chunk has been cut out from inside of me. It’s empty and it hurts, and I so desperately want him to walk through the door and smile his lovely smile and tell me everything will be ok.


MadPriest, I looked for you at the funeral but I couldn’t see you, partly because of the tears and partly because as soon as I left the chapel I was mobbed by sympathetic well wishers who were battling for hugs (still got a sore neck from all that).  I so much wanted to thank you in person for coming along.  To everyone else who posted such kind comments and emailed me their good wishes, thank you all.  We really have got quite a close and caring community here, it makes the physical distances between us all seem so irrelevant.

And a huge thank you to everyone who so kindly donated to the International Sepsis Forum.  If just one person benefits from our efforts and is saved from the sickness Ian suffered, if just one family is saved from the grieving and heartache that comes from losing someone so young, so soon, every tiny penny is worth it.  As soon as I have all the monies in (and when I tot up how much was sent to the charity directly) I will let you know how much was raised in total.

Love and hugs to you all. x

Thursday, April 02, 2009

I got the post morten results a couple of days ago. Ian died from multiple organ failure caused by severe sepsis/septicaemia, the source of which was indeed the abscess around his right hip. Poor, poor Ian. No wonder he said to me an hour before being rushed to ITU, "I have never felt so sick in my whole life". He was so brave.

So, it's all set it stone now ... the funeral is finalised.

Birtley Crematorium
Wednesday 8th April, 10am
Family flowers only
If anyone wishes to make a donation to charity instead of flowers can either give directly to me (I am happy to collect and send one lump donation), or please consider donating directly to the International Sepsis Forum. This is taken from their website:

The ISF accepts monetary donations from the general public. All money donated to the ISF charity will be utilized to support research in the field of sepsis. Checks or money orders should be made out to The International Sepsis Forum.

Please send donations to the ISF to the following addresses :

If mailing from The United States:
International Sepsis Forum
C/O Elaine Rinicker, ISF Program Manager
7024 Palmetto Pines Ln
Land O'Lakes, FL  34637

If mailing from Rest of World:
International Sepsis Forum
Crown House
28 Winchester Road
Romsey, SO51 8AA
United Kingdom

Posted via email from MrsFirestarter's posterous


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