Wednesday, April 15, 2009

It’s a week today since Ian’s funeral, and life is very slowly beginning to take form and shape.  Nights are hard.  Lying alone, trying to sleep, my mind begins to wander and I end up crying myself to sleep. Every night. And every morning the first thing I think about is Ian lying there in hospital suffering in silence, and I cry again.

But, life has to carry on, and each morning I get up at 7am and go to work, and do my best to carry on what he had built for me.

I miss him so much. I feel like a big chunk has been cut out from inside of me. It’s empty and it hurts, and I so desperately want him to walk through the door and smile his lovely smile and tell me everything will be ok.

DSC00010

MadPriest, I looked for you at the funeral but I couldn’t see you, partly because of the tears and partly because as soon as I left the chapel I was mobbed by sympathetic well wishers who were battling for hugs (still got a sore neck from all that).  I so much wanted to thank you in person for coming along.  To everyone else who posted such kind comments and emailed me their good wishes, thank you all.  We really have got quite a close and caring community here, it makes the physical distances between us all seem so irrelevant.

And a huge thank you to everyone who so kindly donated to the International Sepsis Forum.  If just one person benefits from our efforts and is saved from the sickness Ian suffered, if just one family is saved from the grieving and heartache that comes from losing someone so young, so soon, every tiny penny is worth it.  As soon as I have all the monies in (and when I tot up how much was sent to the charity directly) I will let you know how much was raised in total.

Love and hugs to you all. x

17 Comments:

  1. Lois Keen said...
    Bless you, Lisa.

    revLois Keen
    eileen the uppity woman said...
    Still praying for you Lisa...you are much in my thoughts. I can only imagine how hard all this is.
    themethatisme said...
    Love remains Lisa, long after the source has departed. The pain will ease. My every blessing to you.
    Paul said...
    Lisa, you remain in my prayers. The depth of sorrow testifies to the depth of love between you and Ian. May that love, which abides, sustain you as you face each day.
    Two Auntees said...
    I know this a difficult time. We hold you in prayer.
    Christina said...
    Came to your blog through a friend of a friend. So sorry to read what has happened. Love and prayers from a stranger in Scotland.
    Ann said...
    Prayers LIsa --- such hard stuff for you.
    Being Peace said...
    God bless you Lisa. I can't even imagine your pain. May the angels hold you tightly
    susan s. said...
    Prayers and hugs from California(I will be very careful of your neck!). (((((Lisa)))))
    motheramelia said...
    Prayers and love and blessings surround you Lisa.
    KJ said...
    Mad Priest is right; that is a beautiful photo!

    You are in my daily prayers.
    terri c said...
    Prayers of course continuing from here.
    Jim said...
    My prayers continue for both Ian and you.

    FWIW
    jimB
    JCF said...
    Keep on keepin' on, Lisa. For Ian, for yourself.

    Much love and prayers...
    Tracie the Red said...
    Great picture. Always thinking of you, even if I don't always note.

    :hugs for you:
    Grandmère Mimi said...
    Lisa, I send my wishes that the pain gets less, and it will, although it may be hard for you to believe that now. You will never stop missing Ian, but, because of your love for him, he will live in your heart always.

    Blessings and love,

    Mimi
    Sara said...
    I've been without a computer for a while, glad to see you're hanging in there. You're still in my thoughts and prayers. Love from China (actually California right now)

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