Rantings

I think today is the first day since Ian first went into hospital (7th
Feb) that I haven't cried. Is this a good thing? I don't know, but I
feel just a little bit better today. Instead of feeling as though I
have to spend the rest of my life with a huge sense of loss, and
feeling that there is no future to speak of for me, I now feel as
though there all sorts of possibilities open to me that weren't there
before. I can do things now that I couldn't when Ian was alive. Am I
being selfish? Probably. But the point is, now I can be, and it's
harming no one.

 This evening my favourite band is playing in Utrecht. Maybe one day I
will get the chance to see them live. They never come to the UK which
is such a shame - they've even been to Russia! So, it's something to
plan for.

 Here's hoping the fans there are enjoying them as much as I am right
now listening to this:

Posted via email from MrsFirestarter's posterous

Surgery went well on Tuesday with no ill effects from the anaesthetic. Recovered quickly and was sent home within a couple of hours of waking up.

The incision is bigger than I had expected ... about 1.5 - 2 inches ... but as the lump was half an inch across itself and it was quite deep I suppose that's only to be expected. No visible sutures, just steristrips and a dressing.

Trouble is, I'm not exactly small in the boob department and the weight of it pulling on my wound hurts like hell, so I'm having to wear an industrial strength 3-hook bra to hoist them up and hold them still so that I can move around and do stuff. The painkillers I've been prescribed are pretty effective but have got me off me head, so no driving for me till I stop taking them.

I have about a three week wait till hear the histology results. As the biopsy itself proved innocent I'm not expecting anything different from the whole lump. The doctor said there was a 1 in 1,000 chance of it being nasty, so no worries there.

I'm now attempting to do some housework, but there are only so many jobs I can do which don't hurt. I've already cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom. I should really try to tackle the living room, now.