Saturday, August 08, 2009

Feeling better?

I think today is the first day since Ian first went into hospital (7th
Feb) that I haven't cried. Is this a good thing? I don't know, but I
feel just a little bit better today. Instead of feeling as though I
have to spend the rest of my life with a huge sense of loss, and
feeling that there is no future to speak of for me, I now feel as
though there all sorts of possibilities open to me that weren't there
before. I can do things now that I couldn't when Ian was alive. Am I
being selfish? Probably. But the point is, now I can be, and it's
harming no one.

 This evening my favourite band is playing in Utrecht. Maybe one day I
will get the chance to see them live. They never come to the UK which
is such a shame - they've even been to Russia! So, it's something to
plan for.

 Here's hoping the fans there are enjoying them as much as I am right
now listening to this:

 

Posted via email from MrsFirestarter's posterous

2 Comments:

  1. motheramelia said...
    Lisa, what you are going through is very normal, guilt and all. You are not being selfish, you are alive and although you grieve your wonderful Ian there is a life to live and he would want you to live it to the full. Time does heal, but expect to continue to have periods of intense grief, especially on anniversary days. Eventually there will be more good days than weepy ones. God bless.
    Paul said...
    What motheramelia said.
    You have remained on my heart and in my prayers all through this. i cannot imagine the heartsore burden you bear. One cannot, at first visualize life without someone. Eventually one finds there is life again and it is all right to live it. Wishing you every joy without ever forgetting the love you have known.

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