Tuesday, March 03, 2009

An update


Ok, here's what's happened since my last post.

On Sunday evening I visited Ian and he looked terrible. He had a fever, he felt sick, he had D&V and his rash was back. He also looked exhausted and kept dozing off, and he was getting breathless very easily.  I had a bad, bad feeling about it all and had to just about wrench myself away at the end of visiting time.  He said to me in a quiet voice and quite emotional, "I have never felt so ill in my entire life".

I came home and went to bed at around 10:30pm. At 12:30am my bedside phone rang. It was the hospital. They said that Ian had been taken to ITU and said that I could go along. I was there for 1am. I had to wait a while in the visitor's room, and then some consultants came to see me and told me that Ian had taken a very bad turn and was having difficulty breathing. He consented to being sedated and put on a ventilator. His blood pressure was very low and his heart rate was up, so he was on drugs to try to stabilise those, and he was on more antibiotics to try to counter any other infection that may be causing it. They then allowed me to see him. They said that he may not survive this and that we have to hope that the fact he was young and healthy before this all happened is on his side.  I stayed with him all night and most of the next day, but had to come home to sleep as I was simply exhausted.  Yesterday was like living in a nightmare. I don't think I stopped crying the whole day. I couldn't eat, and when I tried to sleep it was very broken. I think I must have been up pacing 6 times during the night.

I awoke this morning at 7am when my alarm went off, and at 7:05am I phoned the hospital, because those five minutes were such a long wait I couldn't hang on any longer. They told me that Ian's urine output had stopped during the night because his kidneys had shut down and so they had put him on dialysis.  Apart from that there weren't any other real changes.

I have never been so scared in my entire life. He is my soul mate, my best friend, my hero. I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for him, and the thought of losing him is too much to contemplate.  To think that almost a month ago he was complaining of an aching leg, and that it could lead to this, is terrifying. I need him to get well, I need him home with me. I love him with all my heart and right now I don't feel I can live without him.

Posted via email from MrsFirestarter's posterous

17 Comments:

  1. Tracie "Red" Holladay said...
    Still pulling for both of you!

    Do you have people near you who can be with you?
    Tracie "Red" Holladay said...
    O Father of mercies and God of all comfort, our only help in time of need: We humbly beseech thee to behold, visit, and relieve thy sick servant Ian for whom our prayers are desired.

    Look upon him with the eyes of thy mercy; comfort him with a sense of thy goodness; preserve him from the temptations of the enemy; and give him patience under his affliction. In thy good time, restore him to health, and enable him to lead the residue of his life in thy fear, and to thy glory; and grant that finally he may dwell with thee in life everlasting; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

    (From the Book of Common Prayer.)

    Praying fiercely here.
    JCF said...
    The Love and Peace of God surround {{{you and Ian}}}, in your great need. Lean on the prayers and care of many loving friends, Lisa. You're not alone.
    Sara said...
    You've been on my mind all day. Lots of prayers and concern. Like Tracie, I hope you have people that can hold you up. Seriously pulling for you and Ian.
    Doxy said...
    Still holding you both in prayer, Lisa--along with all those who are caring for Ian.

    Pax,
    Doxy
    Bluebird said...
    Lisa, your last paragraph really resonates with me because I feel that way about my husband. You have my prayers for healing for Ian and grace and comfort for you both. I wish I could do more.
    Paul said...
    Prayers continue for Ian and you.
    Arkansas Hillbilly said...
    Prayers ascending for you both...

    This is just awful. I'm sorry.
    Grandmère Mimi said...
    Lisa, more prayers for Ian and for you. My heart breaks for you, my dear. May God give you strength.

    O God, the strength of the weak and the comfort of sufferers: Mercifully accept our prayers, and grant to Ian the help of your power, that his sickness may be turned into health, and our sorrow into joy; through Jesus Christ our lord. Amen.
    Janis (Juanuchis) said...
    {{Lisa}} I've been praying for Ian and you daily.
    Two Auntees said...
    Praying for you both. I know this is a frightening time for you. Sending you love and prayers.
    terri c said...
    Prayers ascending.
    David H. said...
    O God, the strength of the weak and the comfort of sufferers: Mercifully accept our prayers, and grant to your servant Ian the help of your power, that his sickness may be turned into health, and our sorrow into joy; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
    Lindy said...
    May you and Ian both have what you need, when you need it. Rest. Peace. Healing. God and the angels attend you both.
    Tracie the Red said...
    What's the latest? Has he come home yet?

    Haven't given up yet!
    Lisa said...
    OK, Tracie, I'm typing an update now.
    Lisa said...
    I've just sent an update, should be appearing on my blog any second. A big, huge, heartfelt thank you to everyone who has sent your good wishes, prayers and kind thoughts here and on MadPriest's blog. This past week has been like living in a nightmare and I was simply too distraught to write an entry or even a comment. Please forgive me, I shall try harder.

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