Monday, July 27, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
... was nice. Went out both Saturday and Sunday with my big sis.
Saturday, we zoomed up to Cramlington to pick up my new contact lenses
and put my broken specs in for fixing (I used to work in Cram and used
the optometrist below my office - I liked them so much I continue to
use them). Then we went off to Newcastle for the Gay Pride Parade.
Unfortunately, we got held up and missed the actual parade, so we went
straight up to Leazes Park for the rest of the event. There were lots
of very colourful people there, and I found a jewellery stall which
sold decorative tongue bars. I bought three bonny ones for £2
(bargain!) which will make a nice change from my plain old surgical
steel one! The music, I have to say, was truly diabolical, but if you
like tribute bands that do nothing but the Pussy Cat Dolls or Kylie,
then you'd have loved it!
Sunday we took my poor neglected pooch to Jesmond Dean for a good old
mooch around and while we were there stopped for coffee and cake. I
can recommend the summer fruit pudding - it was superb! We must have
been out about three hours and my wee lad slept for the rest of the
Of course, as soon as I got home I was a wreck again. Empty house,
loneliness, the feeling of guilt and helplessness because all I could
do was watch Ian suffer. Why do we torture ourselves like this? We
know that thinking about these things are deeply distressing so why do
our minds keep dwelling on painful thoughts, and why do we seem to
have no control over it? I think I'm probably at my lowest point now.
It's a real effort of will to get up in the morning and start work.
I have to give myself a pep talk just to get me through washing the
dishes or hoovering the floor!
I think I had a bout 3 or 4 hours sleep last night. I'm off to bed now
to recharge my batteries.
Friday, July 10, 2009
It's a double whammy today, because I couldn't decide which song to
post, so I just went for both. This is currently my favourite band
(till I get sick of them).
This is Bavarian band *Eisbrecher* with *Vergissmeinnicht (Forget Me
Not)* followed by *Schwarze Witwe (Black Widow)*.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Been having a bad couple of weeks.
A friend told me, soon after Ian died, that things would get worse
before they got better. Well they certainly are. The shock is
finally wearing off and I'm slowly realising that this is for good.
Forever. That Ian isn't ever coming home. It's heartbreaking. Work
is becoming more and more difficult each day. I'm spending more time
in bed sobbing and less time working. Then I get stressed because I'm
not getting through the work quick enough and start to feel completely
Today hasn't been so bad, though. Got through all the work and even
found time to sit down and eat a proper, healthy meal. I'm going to
go for a drive soon, simply to get out of the house. Don't know
where, just see where the car takes me.
Still feeling lonely.