Rantings

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I'm stressed. Really stressed. Christmas does that to me.

You see, unlike most women (!!) I don't do multi-tasking. My brain is simply not wired up for that. I can only concentrate on one thing at a time and when I do I become completely engrossed in it until the job is finished. I can't concentrate in a room full of people or even with the radio on as even the slightest distraction makes it impossible for me to focus. Sometimes, if a task is linked up with other tasks I feel overwhelmed by it all and my stress levels go through the roof. My head feels like it's about to explode and I end up running away from it. This can apply to something very simple like housework. I can feel bogged down by everything that needs to be done and end up doing very little. It's like wading through treacle. Everything gets mixed up in my head and I can't pick one thing out at a time, it's like I don't have some necessary filter I need to ignore everything else. This makes it difficult for me in social situations, which is why I'm always the quiet one when there's a group conversation happening. I've always been like this but I used to cope ok until a few years ago when I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety. Several years on, several different antidepressants and a few years of psychotherapy later, and I've never regained that mechanism. Even though I am no longer depressed, I'm still surrounded by a bomb site which to me is a representation of how my life has fallen apart and I've never been able to pick up the pieces.

So, hopefully you can understand why Christmas becomes such a challenge for me. Too many things to think about and coordinate. Right now I just want to scream.

Last night it all became too much for me. Something went wrong with the dinner plans and caused friction between Mr Lisa and me, and I got in the car and drove to my sister's house. I didn't even go to talk, just being in a calm environment with sister hugs and kitty hugs on tap was all I needed. But the whole thing has left me feeling really, really low. I don't even think I can bring myself to go to theatre group rehearsals tonight (sorry guys). I feel like a sub-standard human being who will never be good enough for Mr Lisa and who can't even function properly in the world and that is quite devastating.

So I think today is going to be a day of misery, chocolate, Christmas shopping after work, more chocolate, followed by hot chocolate tonight accompanied by whinging about how fat I am due to overconsumption of chocolate.

So there.

Hope you all had a good Christmas! Did Santa bring you everything you wanted?

I'm still pooterless, so currently hijacking Mr Lisa's laptop for now. I don't have long to update you all.

Me? I got the latest Terry Pratchett book, "Wintersmith". Also, the complete boxed set of Farscape Season 3 (Mr Lisa got me Seasons 1 and 2 last year), the complete Life on Mars (Yay! Can't wait for a Series 2) and the complete boxed set of Doctor Who Series One (the one with Christopher Eccleston). A geek's paradise!

Speaking of which ... wasn't the Christmas Day Special of Doctor Who great?! I was pleasantly surprised by Catherine Tate as I don't usually enjoy watching her on telly, and Sarah Parish as the Empress of the Racnoss was just superb. Also on Christmas Day was the Doctor Who Confidential Christmas Special which went behind the scenes of the Doctor Who concert which was held at the Millennium Centre in Cardiff in aid of Children In Need. Just wonderful.

And yesterday? Well, the wonderful John Barrowman got hitched, of course, to his long term partner of 16 years, Scott Gill. Some nice photos to be found here, including some rather lovely pictures of JB in his kilt (swoon). It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling and makes me proud to be British (which is a rare thing in itself) to know that same sex couples are entitled to just the same rights as everyone else. And quite rightly so.

Speaking of JB, I can now own up to my little jaunt last month when I went in search of an unusual Christmas gift for Mr Lisa. As I had been keeping it a surprise for him I couldn't really write about it in my blog in case he reads it. I don't think he has so far, but you never know. Well, let's just say I got him a signed and personalised copy of JB's CD "Swings Cole Porter". Damn that man has a good voice. Also, I got myself a nice photo of JB autographed and personalised for me, and my picture taken with Captain Jack himself. He was so patient and polite while I fumbled and got lost for words, a real gent.






Right, I think that's it for now. I'm going away for New Year (Whitby) so I may not update till I get back. In the meantime, here are some photos from the last Whitby Gothic Weekend.

Apologies if you're getting bored of hearing about him, but for those of you who can't get enough of him, don't forget to tune into Radio 2 tonight at 7:30pm for Friday Night is Music Night, where Mr Barrowman himself will be singing a selection of songs from our favourite musicals, along with a festive selection of carols. This is a recording of the BBC Christmas concert which took place on the 18th.

If, for whatever reason, you can't listen to it on air, you can listen to it for up to a week after, at the BBC website, here.

Well, I eventually sat down to watch the first part of the Hogfather last night. Now, I have been a fan of Terry Pratchett for years and have been reading his Discworld novels since I was a teenager (yes, I'm 38 now, what an oldie), so following the storyline was a no-brainer for me, but Mr Lisa had problems understanding what was going on. Did anybody else have trouble following it? And if so, do you think the producers kind of assumed/relied on most people having read the book first? Bear in mind that PTerry himself had a hand in the production, so the whole thing could have become somewhat self-indulgent for him.

Thoughts?

Is it because you are looking forward to getting lots of prezzies? Is it because you get to spend quality time with your family? Is it because you get to eat and drink as much as you like without anyone nagging about your expanding waistline/heart/teeth*?

* delete as appropriate

Nope, none of the above for me. This year it's because the Christmas Special edition of Doctor Who, "The Runaway Bride" is on TV!

Me? Sad? Whatever gave you that idea?